TOUGH 'LOVE'

HOW is it possible that a family of lapsed Mor mons - and not the Soprano crime family - are the ones delivering Sunday nights full of explicit sex, extortion, investigations by the feds, attempted murder, break-ins, money laundering and scary crime bosses cloaked in legitimacy?

Well, in case you have been high-speed channel-surfing after (or during) this season's mostly disappointing "Sopranos," please stay tuned for the show that follows, "Big Love" - HBO's spectacularly intriguing show that delivers all of the above, in spades.

And yes, after seeing all the episodes of "Big Love" so far, including this coming Sunday's howler, I am every bit as enthusiastic as I was for the season opener, and just as disappointed in "The Sopranos."

"Big Love," The Prophet (Harry Dean Stanton), the horrifyingly scary leader of the United Effort Brotherhood (UEB) cult and one of Bill's (Bill Paxton) fathers-in-law, uses a government investigator on his payroll to look into Bill's finances.

Meanwhile, polygamist Bill, who has managed to cheat on his wives with his wife (yes, you read that correctly), is reminded by his business partner of what happened to the last two guys who crossed The Prophet.

Tony like Bill, has once again fallen in love with his wife, but unlike Bill, who was sneaking off to cheesy motel trysts with wife No. 1, Tony was getting all emotional over Carmela's care of his oozing wound, and wounded ego.

The barely concealed poke at Italian weddings was bad enough - but why the horrible breakdown of Johnny Sack, who cried like a spoiled bride when the feds took him away before the wedding was over? Puh-leeze!

Are they trying to ensure that every actor gets to do a big, emotional scene before they shut the show down? I don't know about you - but I don't want to see Johnny Sack reduced to blubbering.

But I could have lived with that if they didn't go way over the line and make fatty Vito dress like a deranged member of The Village People and go dancing at a gay bar - not just any gay bar, mind you, but one where mobsters pick up protection money.